Pet peeves among other topics

I'm currently in bed. I suppose I don't have anything better to do than this. For the last few months I've spent the majority of time drawing and constructing my comic and I don't know how much more I can take. God none of this even matters, I highly doubt you are reading this just to hear me whine about the menial pressures of my unimaginably boring life. I've been meaning to involve myself more in my local community however embarrassing that sounds. I'm well aware of the fact that many people dislike me because of my awkward demeanour and predisposition to honesty. Americans would rather feign civility than ever even attempt to acknowledge the brewing tensions between eachother which often leads them to develop a festering hatred of one another and I'll find myself between them, unable to speak on the elephant that's just blaring into my ear, because once again people would rather pretend to be civil than actually solve their problems.

I feel like my aspergers might protect me from this artifice, that is doesn't cripple me but rather allows me to manuever through society with a more nuanced, mature and -- for lack of a better word -- 'better' disposition. I don't necessarily consider myself to be better or smarter than anyone else, because I'm not a conceited douchebag who's all up his own ass, but I do consider myself to be more socially savvy even if I don't appear that way. I'm fully aware of society's useless conventions and norms, I just choose not to abide by them because they're moronic and superficial. I don't know why I would ever act against my own best interest just to appeal to society's whims, just to be "normal".

Phrasing it like that makes me sound like one of those stuck up whores who pride themselves on their uniqueness, "God I could never be a stupid, basic, white bitch. I'm not like other girls I like gay shit for men like idk gaming and horror movies and I don't wear make-up". Yes Beckany, you are so unimaginably fucking unique and I've never met anyone like you before. Anyways, I don't mean to sound like that, though I also acknowledge that I could never be like that, by virtue of me not being a woman. I think that being a man with aspergers divorces me from normalcy in every way, something most women could not experience due to the majority of women still being somewhat attractive and thus being accepted by society. I can't reap those benifits because I'm neither a woman nor am I attractive.

I know people who would tell me otherwise -- me calling myself unattractive I mean, no one is arguing that I am a woman -- and you might think 'Ken there's no way you have friends, let alone friends who find you attractive'. Alas, I do (goodbye virgins) and she's surprisingly insistent on that. To spite me, I presume, or because women love to 'lift your spirits' in spite of the truth. An aggravating habit that only serves to make them feel better about themselves, because they -- oh so kindly -- complimented you. I don't appreciate being lied to, especially not when the truth is this obvious. You could chalk it up to a difference of opinion, but I'm not stupid. I know what I look like and telling me I'm more attractive than I actually am would only harm me if I were retarded enough to believe it. Could you imagine me, a hikikomori, presenting myself as if I were a 10/10 Chad? That's just pathetic.

1 maart 2010