Are you ever paranoid?

I'm always paranoid and I have been ever since I was a kid. I used to be scared of everything and I didn't trust anybody. I just didn't show it or make it clear, out of fear of getting caught knowing more than I should. I used to think everyone was out to get me, like my grandparents, my friends parents, my teachers, anyone who would get into any close contact with me and especially people who would have to pic me up from places and before that I even suspected my parents of being clones. I have no idea why. I used to think they were clones or malicious actors, something like that. I also knew that, as a child, I was in no position to overpower them and I noticed very clearly that no one else was as wary or paranoid as I was, so either no one else was aware of this imposter, or I'd be wrong: but no matter what, I couldn't blow my cover.

This never ceased. When I became a teenager I started getting really antsy and uncomfortable while jerking off. We never had any security camera's in our house, but whenever I jerked off I always felt like or assumed someone was watching and recording me. Either through my devices or through tactically hidden camera's. So I'd jerk off very discretely and I'd cover my phone camera and microphones. I reasoned myself out of this, because if some adult was recording me jerking off they'd be producing child porn which would be illegal, so it'd probably never see the light of day if it did exist. Same thing about camera's potentially being behind our bathroom mirror -- that being the reason why I'd always dry myself off right next to the mirror and I'd always check the mirror for camera's just in case. I think this fear only really went away after we replaced our bathroom mirror a few weeks ago.

Whenever I do anything bad, I still feel like I'm being recorded or getting tracked. Whenever I'd get close to people, I'd reveal as little information about myself as possible (to a reasonable degree) in case we'd ever get in a fight and they'd try to dox me or something. Which is something I did myself as a preventative measure, or as a way to protect myself, because at least then we'd be even. I've never truly been doxxed before and anyone who has any information on me is scared of me. I think that's true. That's so embarrassing.

I think I might have OCD, but I'm scared of being wrong about that. That's why I've been supressing my suspicions lately, despite having been prety adamant about them a few months ago. I just want to know what's going on. I get really, really antsy when I don't know everything.

1 juni 2026