Unironically killing myself over my thesis

My thesis is genuinely suicide inducing. I'm not genuinely suicidal but I am most definitely the most stressed I've ever been in my life. Which is funny 'cause I've been this stressed before many times. Even to the point of genuine suicidal ideation, but this has prolonger for so fucking long that it's like... It definitely changed something in me. I'm so unimaginably anxious all the time and I'm so stressed and the second anything good happens I'll be manically joyous only to crash and bernstein a day later. So yea.

I'm not going to kill myself because I'm still hopeful. I don't think I'm gonna fail anymore. The only reason I thought I was, was because genuinely nothing went as planned and I mainly just assumed I wasn't gonna make it due to time constraints. But I gonna have everything planned rn and I've finally actually finished something so we up I guess. I do like imagining killing myself though, but that's just kind of been a cool gothic coping mechanism I've adapted ever since I was 12. I'm definitely going to get addicted to nicotine thought. I don't necessarily want to, but I'm definitely getting there and I don't necessarily want to stop it. So maybe I'm already addicted to nicotine idk. *shrugs*.

27 april 2026